More Memories

Our Christmas season actually started at Thanksgiving. We'd all have a wonderful dinner cooked by my Mother and we'd be stuffed for the rest of the day. That evening my Dad would leave for his annual deer hunting adventure and he'd ususally be gone until the following weekend. Well, that's when the fun started.

The day after Thanksgiving we would bake Christmas cookies - all day!! Chocolate chip, peanut blossoms, Russian teacakes, pinwheels, candy cane cooking and butter cookies. They were so delicious but my favorite were the chocolate chip.

The next day, and every evening that following week, we would get together with my Aunt Pat (her husband, Uncle Sonny, was deer hunting also) and my cousins, Danny, Terry and Kim. We would go shopping and out to eat every evening - it was so much fun!!! That week holds some of my fondest childhood memories.

From then until Christmas, sneaking cookies was my favorite pastime - no wonder I have a weight problem lol! Mom would keep them in beautiful tins on the steps to the attic because it was a little cool there. MMMM.....if only I could eat one now!

Christmas Memories

I love the Christmas season!! The smells, the decorations and the anticipation. This time of year takes me back to my childhood and all the sweet memories.

I remember Christmas Eve that would start at my Grandparent's house - my mothers family. Grandma would spend days cooking and baking for her annual Christmas party. Friends and family would gather and celebrate with food and lots of laughter! There was also a lot of drinking and cigarette smoke but back then it was normal. After spending several hours there, my parents would take my sister, Neicy, and I home. We knew that Aunt Joanie and Uncle Norm were right behind us with some gifts!! Neicy and I would sit on the couch and look out the big picture window and wait for them to come. Of course, the Christmas tree lights were lit, the cookies were out and Neicy and I were beyond excited. Christmas was finally here!!!

Our Aunt and Uncle would come in with gifts in hand and then we'd visit for awhile. I always liked Aunt Joanie and secretly wished she would be my mother. She passed away about 4 years ago from lung cancer and Uncle Norm is remarried and living in Florida.

Neicy and I would be put to bed shortly after they left and we would lay in bed and talk about how excited we were. Neicy even said one year she heard the reindeer on the roof!!

Christmas morning we would be up before dawn. We'd jump in bed with Mom and Dad to wake them up, they'd usually pretend to be asleep for awhile but it wasn't long till they got up. Dad would have to get the movie camera. Back in the day, it was a Kodak and the lights stuck out like a rack of moose horns!! Plus, the lights would be VERY bright. When we had to look at the camera we'd have to squint. We'd proceed to open all our gifts and start playing. Mom would make us eat breakfast then she would put the turkey in the oven. My grandparents and Aunt Cindy would always come to our house for the holiday dinner - loaded to the brim with gifts!!!

The memories are bittersweet - all of those people except Aunt Cindy have since passed away. I miss them so much sometimes I just don't think I can put one foot in front of the other. But then, I see my own precious daughters and grandchildren and I'm brought back to the present to celebrate with them!

The Journey

This weight loss journey has been pretty tough. Just discovering what I can eat and what makes me sick has been a chore. I'm supposed to be eating more protein, meat, but when I do it's painful. It sits in my stomach until I throw up, especially chicken. So my new strategy is to eat mushy food until I see the doc again on Dec. 23. I'm concerned that my stoma is too small so they may have to do an Endoscopy to stretch it a bit.

Other challenges are it takes so long to eat my food that it is usually cold. I can't try new things when I'm out for fear of getting sick. It's a full time job just to get the protein and water in every day, which I usually miserably fail at. Thanksgiving was a real struggle - I just wanted to eat a meal! I'm glad I'm losing weight; however, it's a big price to pay!

2 Month Surgiversary

I can't believe it's been 2 months already! I'm down 44 pounds and my clothes are starting to hang on me. I'm still not able to eat meat because is makes me sick so I eat VERY light - about 600 calories per day and that's trying hard. I can eat shrimp, tomato soup (yum) and crackers. I made a pot of beef vegetable soup that goes down pretty darn good and tastes terrific!

Thanksgiving sure wasn't the same but I did make a sugar free pumpkin fluff that went down real well. I'll be making that again! I had about 4 bites of dinner and I was full.

40 Pounds

So I'm down 40 pounds now - what a great feeling! I move much better and feel better everyday. However, some depression has been creeping in. I'm told this is normal due to all the hormones that have been housed in my extra fat that are now released so I'm not too concerned. I would like this to pass though. Even 40 pounds lighter I don't feel much different, I'm still me.

We laid off 2 employees on Friday - it sucked. One was a really great guy the other was an accident waiting to happen but I don't like to see anyone loose their job, especially not in these times. Everything is so bad everywhere it's hard to keep a positive attitude but I'm so happy and thankful that I have the greatest family and we are all healthy. We have food, shelter and clothing. These are just some of the things I'm thankful for this year!

6 Week Mark

Today I had my 6 week check up with my surgeon and everything is going fine. I told him about my problem with eating meat or fish and he said it's normal but after 6 weeks I should be starting to eat with a little less discomfort. I'm down 34 pounds now and should be down another 30 by Christmas - WOW what a gift to myself!

The Time of Change

Woohoo - Obama won!!! It's an exciting time to be a part of this wonderful country!

NM6 went to the doctor yesterday because his stomach has been bothering him for so long! We'll the doctor ordered blood work to check for Celiac. Carrie took him this morning, screaming, to have his blood drawn. When I told Erika, she simply said it's about time they check him for that - he's so bloated all the time. So, now we just wait and see.

5 Weeks Out

Well I'm down 30 pounds now and am starting to feel it. It's good to be able to put my socks on again!!!
I only got sick 4 times, twice I had to vomit. Sometimes I just don't know what to eat.
The family is doing good - Nick is being tested for Celiac because he's had an upset stomach for almost a month now.
Abby now has a lip ring - it looks ok but why????? I told her if she kisses a boy and he has a ring they could get "ring lock" and have to go to the hospital to be separated - she just laughed.
Carrie is down 40 pounds.
Erika is down also but I don't know how much. She's going for Lasik surgery in Phoenix on November 15th.
I have my support group this evening - I need to pick up some protein drinks.

Hump Day

Almost one month out from surgery and down a total of 27 pounds - I'm very pleased. I still battle head hunger daily but I know if I eat to much, more than 1/2 cup, I'll get sick. Throwing up is not an option....

Carrie's car broke down today and she needs an alternator. I sure wish I could help but I just don't have any money to help. I have to put the oxygen mask on myself!!!

We all have out health and each other; that's what matters.

Things aren't looking to good at work. Copper is going down, the mines have halted capital improvements and Morenci has halted all motor repair until futher notice. The control shop lost 2 major jobs and new sales lost a million dollar motor. It's gettin' scary Scoobie!

Moving Right Along

Well, I'm down 19.5 pounds now but I still don't feel it. I can't wait till I can feel the weight coming off! I'm eating 2 protein shakes and one meal (1/2 cup pureed) and will do that for 3 more weeks. I can't believe it's already been 3 weeks!! I've been feeling a little blue lately, the support group says that's completely normal. So I'll keep plugging away!

Something happened recently to AB14 - my dear granddaughter. She was coming home from school and she got into an altercation with another girl. This girl is the one that got expelled from all TUSD schools because she threatened AB14 a couple of years ago at Utterback. Well, the girl, Justine, hit AB14 in the face twice!!! AB14 walked away and didn't fight back and when she got home she was crying and her mom called the police. They took pictures of her face and CG35 filed a criminal complaint. When they went to pick Justine up, her mom lied and told them she wasn't home. I don't know if they ever picked her up or not. CB35 knows there is a clause in their lease about that kind of behavior so she spoke with the office and they may get kicked out of the complex (yes, they live in the same complex). AB14 is ok now but she spent the night at my house and I just gave her lots of lovins. I can't believe that someone actually hit her in the face! It's so scary out there and young people have so much to deal with. She's always in my prayers.

MMMMM......Crackers!

Today I discovered I can eat crackers, plain saltine crackers never tasted so good! I'm doing pretty good, lost 16 lbs but I can't feel it yet. I'm excited about what's in store for the new smaller version of me - I hope more confidence!!!

Work is going ok - since copper prices have dropped so much some of our business is slowing but with all the new efforts in nuclear power we should be able to sustain ourselves.

Elections are a comin' - I'm still undecided. Obama/Bin(laden)? Kind of creepy but I like him for some reason. I also like McCain on healthcare and Sarah because she seems real. Kind of flaky, aren't I??

2 Weeks Out

It's been 2 weeks since surgery and I'm feeling much better. I'm slowly regaining my strength. So far, I'm down 15 pounds - not to shabby! Last evening I made an egg and some deli chicken. I thought I chewed them enough but it hurt going down. Well, it continued to hurt for about an hour, I mean really hurt!!! Finally, I threw up. That was awful but I felt so much better. That was the first time I got sick and it's a quick reminder that I must chew, chew, chew!

I had my 2 week follow up with my most handsome surgeon and everything is healing very nicely. He gave me my goal chart and it looks something like this: Six weeks out I should weigh 210-215, 12 weeks out 190, 26 weeks out 160 and my goal is 135 which I should reach in one year. I need to walk at least 1 hour per day which I'm finding hard to do, my strength still isn't there yet. But I'll keep plugging away!

We're having an Italian pot luck on October 31st - I told them I'd bring pureed spagetti! LOL

I Will Survive!!

It's been a week now since surgery and I'm feeling better and stronger every day. Yesterday I even drove to the store. Today though, I feel I've turned a corner because I feel like my old self again. There's no pain and I have stopped drinking broth and jello, which I'll never let pass these lips again, yuck! So I'm drinking my water, 2 protein shakes and had 2T. of cottage cheese for lunch and dinner. It went down well and stayed put but the best thing was it tasted like a bite of heaven! The best thing is that in one week I've lost 10 pounds!! I can hardly believe it. I just might start dancing any day now.

Guy, if you read this, I hope to see you real soon. Not at Wendy's but maybe we could do a lunch in your office, or my office or at the park?????

What Have I Done?

I surely wouldn't recommend this to anyone but the very morbidly obese or the super obese. This is painful and uncomfortable and I can't help but wonder why I did this! I know I'll feel differently in a couple of weeks but today is a different story.

CG and EG have been so very wonderful through this. They have helped me so much I don't think I could have done it without them. NM whispers into Aunt E's ear "I feel so bad that Grandma doesn't feel good'. I told Carrie to call before she stops in the next time and I'll be out of bed - he's having a hard time with Grandma being sick!

I really thought I'd be going back to work tomorrow but that's doubtful at this point.

I really wish the Jello would make a mashed potato flavor!! I never liked artificial fruit flavors.

It's Finally Finished!!

Wednesday, 10/1, I finally had my surgery. All went well, the nurses in preop were the best but the nurses after that were just ok. As soon as I expressed any pain they medicated me. I didn't get sick until the following day when I started to pass the gas. Dr. Chaisson says that's normal but I was so sick I was kicking myself in the you know what for even having the surgery. Now it's Saturday morning and I'm at home and feeling much better!! Would I do it again?? Hell no! I may be saying something else a few months down the road but this is very uncomfortable.

Tomorrow

Well, it looks like this is really going to happen. Today I'm fasting and cleaning out my system so I'll be glad when this is over.

I'm concerned about Erika - she's so worried!!

2 More Days!

Only 2 more days until surgery - I can't believe it's finally here. I started taking Celebrex yesterday and it has helped my back tremendously - I can walk again! Today is the last day that I can eat so I better make it a good one LOL. I'm craving hot dogs so I'm eating them. I feel so guilty eating something so bad but it sure tastes good!

Getting Closer

We'll it's only one week away and the final countdown begins. I have everything I need for after care and all those pesky details are completed. All that's left is to record my measurements and begin the surgery prep beginning on Sunday.

Nicky finally started school yesterday and had a pretty good day. He sounded excited about all the fun he had and he especially liked the science class, just like his Grandma! He'll do well if he ever learns to listen.

We had our company picnic on Saturday at Ora Mae Harn park and everyone had a great time - except those of us who had to put it together. It was so hot, my back hurt so bad because I can't take any Advil and it was just miserable. I left at 12;30 because I was sick - probably heat stress. I'm just glad it's over.

The Countdown Begins

Today I had my pre-admission testing that was very easy. Bloodwork and an EKG. I've filled all of my prescriptions, got most of the supplies and my protein. I'm almost off the caffeine and I'm not taking any ibuprofen but it's very hard because my back hurts so bad. So I'm ready to go.

I'm leaving power of attorney to Erika and have also suggested Erika buy my house. We'll see.

Another Day Closer

Today was my pre-op with Dr. Chaisson so he gave me the prescriptions and I had to sign the consent form. The third paragraph are general sugical risks - Death, heart attack, pneumonia and pulmonary embolus. The next says peri-operative risks are conversion (having to cut me open instead of using the laparscopy), bleeding, bowel injury or splenic injury. Next is post op wound infection, abscess, stomal stricture or need for re-op. The last is long-term risks wound hernia, nutrition related conditions, stomal ulcers, bowel obstruction and failure to lose all weight. HHMMMM I hope I'm doing the right thing!
BUT the one thing I wanted to make sure I told him was that I had a lung collapse 30 years ago - it may be important information.

Steps

Today I bought my Fleets to clean out my system the day before surgery. I remember doing this the day before a colonoscopy and it was not very pleasant. Besides tasting awful I really got nauseous and cold. It does, however, clean you out!!!!

I also bought my chewable vitamins, some 4x4 gauze pads and Burts Bees lip balm. I'll need to get some prescriptions filled that the Doc is giving me tomorrow and I have to get some liquid calcium yet.

I'm drinking my water, taking my vitamins have started practicing the breathing exercises.

Getting Closer

Well, I read the book and watched the DVD and it was very informative. I went out today and bought some of the vitamins that I'll need and will start taking them now. I'm also working on drinking my water.

Eg is nervous for me - I don't know how to calm her down and have even considered putting it off for awhile so she's not so upset. She thinks if I try Weight Watchers just one more time I'll be successful - I've tried at least a dozen times and I'm still fat!! Drastic times call for drastic measures!

Progress

Today I picked up my book and DVD from the surgeons office. I have to reveiw on my own because there's no time for me to attend the meeting with Gayle Duke, the program coordinator. There's some good information in there, particularly about what to do prior to surgery. I can't take Advil 2 weeks prior or even after surgery because it's not good for the new stomach. Dr. Chaisson is supposed to be giving me a prescription for pain on Thursday at my preop visit.

Gosh, I'm so excited I can hardly wait!!

Surgery Date!

Well, it looks like it's really going to happen. My surgery has been scheduled for October 1st. I can't believe it. I'm scared, nervous, excited, anxious and hopeful all at once. Of course there's many emotions that I'm not even aware of yet.

Maybe I should go back to church - I really liked it. Now I feel like such a loser because I didn't follow through with my obligations.....

Hurry up and wait!

Sonia, the program coordinator at the Southwest Surgery, says I should hear something about my surgery approval this week - wow, she's fast! So now I'm trying to prep - drinking protein and taking my vitamins. She asked when I'd like to have the surgery and I answered "tomorrow" so she understands that I'm anxious, aren't we all?

My precious grandson, nm6, was telling a story to his mother. It starts "I have a friend and her name is Grandma" - sweet, huh? He's a great kid!

Another Step

Tuesday I attended the required support group for WLS and found it to be very informative. Much to my surprise I ran into Dr. Krasner and his wife, who weighs probably 350-400 pounds. Her surgery is scheduled for October 2, since she's self pay there's not much of a waiting period.

The Program Coordinator, Sonia, called to tell me that my primary doctor faxed in her note page instead of the referral. I call Vicki right away and I'm sure by now she's sent to correct letter. When Sonia receives that she will submit for insurance approval - once approved the surgery date is set. That approval can take anywhere from 3 days to 3-4 weeks - here's hoping and praying it's quick!!

In the meantime I'm beginning the preparation for surgery. The WL group says its easier for surgery if you loose 10% of your body weight because that will shrink the liver. Dah, if I could loose 25 pounds I wouldn't have the surgery! But I'll try again. I'm also starting to taste test the liquid protein that I'll be taking for the rest of my life. I found Profect to be good but since tastes change after surgery I won't stock up yet. I will, however, begin taking the protein everyday in the recommended amounts. I also need to start drinking more water. WL group says divide your body weight in half and that's how many ounces of water your to drink daily. OMG - that's like a gallon a day!!!! So, I'm starting to get into that habit also. I've purchased some B-12 sublingual and am taking that daily to build myself up. Daily multivitamin with iron is also now a part of my daily routine. Walking 30 minutes a day sounds so easy but with back pain that is near crippling, it's a daunting task! So I'll walk 10 minutes at a time on the treadmill.

I'll be taking a before picture this weekend - from all angles - yuck!!!!!

My Weight World

I want to write down the reason I want to have the WLS and the effects the excess weight is having on me so if I ever start to falter, I can read this for a quick reminder.

Being overweight takes a real toll on my body, physically and emotionally. The physical reasons include breathing difficulties, walking difficulties and struggling to complete the activities of daily living (ADL). At work I walk to the front office, about 150 feet and I'm out of breath and sweating. My back is beginning to hurt already today but I arm myself with 2400 milligrams of ibuprofen every day, I can't imagine what my liver looks like! Of course, there's the other maladies, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and borderline diabetis. I think I have sleep apnea because I wake up every night gasping for air, frequent morning headaches and feeling tired all the time. I have lost my "zest" for life as the struggle to get through everyday becomes harder and harder. When it gets real bad I reach for my "comfort food" which is the core of my problem to begin with. A very vicious circle. 50 pounds ago I could work in my yard for hours, weed whacking or just cleaning. Now I'm lucky to work more than 1/2 hour, which wears me out for the day. Putting my shoes and socks on is a struggle, getting dressed makes me sweat and working is almost impossible. But that's just the physical, the emotional...

Looking in the mirror everyday and not liking what I see. Knowing that the people I meet view me as fat. Confidence is non-existant. Going out dancing is not a reality right now and it's what I love to do. I'd love to feel the warm touch of a loving man. That's another story that I won't get into at this moment.

I want to play with my grandson, shop with my grandaughter, go dancing with friends. I want to shop in a regular store and buy beautiful dresses and shoes. I want to go for a day at the spa and go on a trip to Italy. All I really want to do is stop thinking about losing weight!!! JUST DO IT!

The Weight Journey Continues

Today I have my appointment with the nutritionist, another one of the hoops I must jump through to have the weight loss surgery. I think it's just so she can make $125 but that's just my opinion. I think this is the final hoop - next it goes to my insurance company for approval. I'm not expecting any problems with that but one never knows.

AB14

My grandaughter, love of my life, is now a teenager! She looks at me like I don't know a thing and sometimes like I came from a different planet. This picture was taken at the annual Easter picnic at Mule Power Farms - it's a great time!

This is my youngest, Ickra, in Beverly Hills outside the same ladies room the George Michaels was caught doing something lewd.

My Dear Daughter

My dear daughter, Bona, turned 35 on Monday. She is a mom of 2 children, 6 and 14, and she's in her last year of college. Bona is strong, faithful and a real "go-getter". She's a born leader. When she was little she was always coming up with new games and ways of entertaining herself and others. She was forever changing her room around and cleaning - by herself! No one had to tell her something needed cleaned - she just did it! She's also very resourceful. If I ever need help with anything I know I can count on her.

Her daughter looks just like her and acts like her too! I'm so proud of her - she just lost over 30 pounds and she's lookin' real good. I don't know when she finds the time to take care of herself but she does. Her son has ADHD and a sensory problem that makes him extremely sensitive and he can be a real handful. I don't know how she does it but she does and I'm very proud of her.

My Baby, Ickra

My baby, Ickra, turned 34 on Monday. She's a great lady! She has a great job as senior tech and office manager at a vet clinic and takes very good care of herself. She's beautiful, sweet and fun to be with. She loves football, rock n roll and travelling but most of all she loves her family.

I remember a defining moment in our relationship when she was about 11 or 12. She was home on a summer break from the boarding school she attended and we were sitting at the table playing cards. Ickra loved to play - anything! I looked at her and it dawned on me that even though I loved her so much I really enjoyed her company, her humor and her. I saw her as a person apart from me and I liked what I saw. She was fun to be with, always laughing, happy and carefree. Whenever I see a little girl skipping along without a care in the world, I think of Ickra, my baby!

My prayer for her is to recapture that little girl, love her and know that she is so very special! To know that we are little children in God's eyes and he wants us to be so at peace and happy like a child. Just like little Ickra, skipping along without a care, knowing she's protected and not experiencing the cruelities of the world yet. Little Ickra, before the first heartbreak, the first injustice and before the terrible things that happened to her. She was and still is a most beautiful lady and I hope she one day realizes that for herself! She's dear to my heart and I know I'll always be in her heart everyday of her life.

My Journey

Today I had my psych evaluation with Dr. Paul. She was a great counselor and I hope to have the opportunity to work with her again. The appointment was almost 3 hours long and I really hope she doesn't diagnose me as crazy!

I have one more step and that's with the nutritionist on August 28. Then they submit the paperwork to my insurance for approval. I swear there are a lot of hoops to jump through and at any step there could be a delay or denial.

Working For the Man

I get so weary working and sometimes wish I could take off for a long time but I guess that will have to wait until I retire. I don't realize the stress is so bad until after I've been of several days. I'm seriously thinking of teaching middle school kids and may go back to school in order to get the certification. Then again, I think I really don't want to go back to that grind either. Maybe I should find a rich man, or even one that works will do!! LOL

Back to Work

Had to return to work yesterday after a lovely vacation. Only one person was fired while I was gone; a salesman that was drinking in a company vehicle - real stupid!

I did my 30 minutes on the treadmill when I got home and did some stretches that help the siatica tremendously. I'm eating a lot of fruit and trying to drink water but many times I just forget.

When I got home yesterday, cg, nm and ab were at the house. It's always so good to see them - ab is a typical 14 yr old and drop dead gorgeous! Nm is always cute as a button and Carrie has lost about 35 pounds - her pants are so droopy but it must feel fantastic - she looks great!!

ERD

I had my ERD (endoscopy) last week and it went very well. Another hurdle crossed for my WLS! I was a little nervous but was put to sleep so I didn't feel anything except very hurt that my so called friend didn't pick me up afterwards.

My daughter's surgery

CG had hernia surgery about 2 weeks ago as an outpatient. Wow - we weren't prepared for the pain she would be in afterwards! Since it was outpatient surgery she had to get up and leave very soon after the surgery which I think is crazy!!! She was in so much pain it was very hard to watch, she is still my baby no matter how old she is.

A lot has happened since I last blogged!

EG and I went to Los Angeles for a vacation and had a great time. Spent some time on the beach in Santa Monica, shopping in the Beverly Center and browsing through the Farmers Market. We took a couple of tours, the most interesting being the tour of the stars homes. We did not, however, see any celebs!! We had a great time but it was good to get home again.

Weight loss surgery

Yesterday was my first appointment with the surgeon who I've chosen to perform my weight loss surgery, Dr. Chaisson. He's very professional and has a great track record. His bedside manner is comforting and has never had a death due to the gastric bypass surgery - what a relief! He's also very handsome which is always a plus!! LOL
I have completed the information packet including labs, ekg, stress test, drs referral, diet history, weight history and other forms pertaining to medical issues, etc. I attended one of Dr. Chaisson's seminars that is required and have signed up for the weight loss surgery support group. Now what I have to do is see a nutritionist (August 28) and have the required physh evaluation (August 14). My ERD is scheduled for Monday, July 28 (scope my stomach) so everything is well under way. I should have the surgery sometime in September but that's just my opinion.
I was going to get the Lapband but am leaning towards the Gastric Bypass. One of my daughters is all for it but the other one is concerned. Both will support my decision because they know my health is starting to be affected by my weight. So the lights are all green for now!!!!

This is my grandson, nm6 with his long hair that was cut recently. He's looking at me with the "is this a big enough smile?" look!

He has a toy that I was looking at and when I asked him how it works he said "watch and learn". He makes me laugh a lot!!!

My Guy Friend

I had lunch with my friend - GL - today. Everytime we have lunch or talk I realize how much I miss him. I love talking with him, hearing about his family, work and just running ideas by him. He always has an opinion!!!
When we met he was working in the vault and I was a lowly driller and we didn't like each other very much, in fact, he even made me cry at one time! Over the years after he graduated and was promoted I ended up working for him which was the beginning of a great friendship! I always said he was a great manager, giving me enough rope to hang myself but actually stepping in to prevent my demise in the nick of time!
He has inspired me in many ways - to get my degrees, Black Belt training and the way he always thought I was so capable. HHMMM - I know he'll probably read this but I just wanted to let him know that his friendship is one of the blessings in my life.

Did I Just Fall Off the Turnip Truck?

What is it that I do that's makes other people think I'm a blooming idiot?!?!?!? I've been in safety for 11 years, have a BSBA and a MOAM plus a Six Sigma Green Belt certification and Black Belt training and still people doubt my decisions.

What Was I Thinking????

OK, after looking at some York real estate I decided that I'm not as homesick as I thought I was. Sometimes we forget the reason we move in the first place. I love Tucson and it's been my home for over 11 years now.

My job title is Safety Manager but I'm getting very bored with most of my responsibilities. I'd like to retire and work part-time but that isn't for several years. EG33 says I'll never retire because I have to be doing something all the time - that's so true but I'd like to do things that I love...like??????? But I won't because I need to make a lot of money so I can continue to help my daughter and her children even though it's becoming quite a financial drain since I have no resources anymore.

CB34 is having hernia surgery in a couple of weeks so I'll take her to the hospital. EG33 is watching my grandson - my other daughter thinks I'm so mean to him but she thought I was mean to my granddaughter also. I don't really know why except that I get upset when they don't listen or break my things. My grandson cries alot - I guess because of the ADHD and Sensory thing but it's very nerve wracking - it seems nothing ever makes him happy. I love him so much but he's a difficult child and I worry about him very much.

I have spoiled my granddaughter very much but I don't mind. I like that I can buy her pretty clothes - she's such a pretty young lady! She's very smart too. I hope she gets through high school safely and without too much damage - it's so hard for young people today. I pray for her a lot. Right now she's visiting her grandfather in Connecticut but was with her Dad and Grandmother in Cleveland for a week. I don't understand why he is so nasty to her, always complaining about money or about her. She's a great kid and he should be very proud and spoil the crap out of her for the 1 week a year that he sees her. Men !?!?!

My other daughter moved back home with me. It's great to have her there and I enjoy her being around. We get along very good and she can stay with me forever!!! I love her and her sister so much - I really don't know what I would do without them.

July 4th Weekend

Three days off was great - coming back to work is not. I enjoyed my time off, spending most of it with family. We took nm6 to the circus on Saturday and we all had a great time! It's amazing how expensive it is just to get some cotton candy, I have to grit my teeth but we need to have fun while we're there so the $$$$ is not as important.
cb34, eg33 and nm6 went out to see the fireworks - AZ fireworks are substandard when compared to PA - I remember sitting on a blanket on the cool grass at the fairgrounds watching the beautiful fireworks - they were so cool! I miss PA sometimes, maybe even more than I care to admit. I really miss the green grass, the beautiful flowers, the yummy produce, the cool summer nights, West Manchester Mall, seeing my Aunt Cindy and cousins, running into people I know everywhere, going to the ocean in the summer, FALL and the beautiful colors, the Apple Harvest Festivals, making strawberry jelly, freezing delicious corn, going the the butcher shop, I guess I miss alot! Even the freezing cold snow and ice!!

My Weight Issues

I've been battling my weight issues for over 20 years now and instead of losing it I just keep gaining. I quit smoking again about 5 years ago and have ballooned once again. Currently, I'm 100 pounds overweight and find that I felt better when I was thinner and smoked. It's hard to tie my shoes, put on socks, take a leisurly bath or just walk. I know my health is suffering, my back certainly is! I'm on Weight Watchers, again, but don't have much hope for long term success. My other option is weight loss surgery so I've been doing the research. It looks like gastric bypass is the best option. Lapband is frought with issues and my insurance doesn't cover vertical sleeve. My appointment with the surgeon is July 22 - I can't wait!!!

This is my first attempt at blogging and I must admit after reading my friends blog, I'm intrigued! I'll use this forum for journeling, family history and events.

I will post pictures of my daughters, cb34, eg33, ab14 and nm6 in the very near future.