Tuesday, September 2, 2008

My Weight World

I want to write down the reason I want to have the WLS and the effects the excess weight is having on me so if I ever start to falter, I can read this for a quick reminder.

Being overweight takes a real toll on my body, physically and emotionally. The physical reasons include breathing difficulties, walking difficulties and struggling to complete the activities of daily living (ADL). At work I walk to the front office, about 150 feet and I'm out of breath and sweating. My back is beginning to hurt already today but I arm myself with 2400 milligrams of ibuprofen every day, I can't imagine what my liver looks like! Of course, there's the other maladies, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and borderline diabetis. I think I have sleep apnea because I wake up every night gasping for air, frequent morning headaches and feeling tired all the time. I have lost my "zest" for life as the struggle to get through everyday becomes harder and harder. When it gets real bad I reach for my "comfort food" which is the core of my problem to begin with. A very vicious circle. 50 pounds ago I could work in my yard for hours, weed whacking or just cleaning. Now I'm lucky to work more than 1/2 hour, which wears me out for the day. Putting my shoes and socks on is a struggle, getting dressed makes me sweat and working is almost impossible. But that's just the physical, the emotional...

Looking in the mirror everyday and not liking what I see. Knowing that the people I meet view me as fat. Confidence is non-existant. Going out dancing is not a reality right now and it's what I love to do. I'd love to feel the warm touch of a loving man. That's another story that I won't get into at this moment.

I want to play with my grandson, shop with my grandaughter, go dancing with friends. I want to shop in a regular store and buy beautiful dresses and shoes. I want to go for a day at the spa and go on a trip to Italy. All I really want to do is stop thinking about losing weight!!! JUST DO IT!

1 comment:

Samson Agonistes said...

Hemingway wrote about trying to write one true thing. If he could just do it, it would matter. Honesty is lost in our verbosity. I love the honesty of this post. I'm with you whatever you do. Good luck and here's hoping there is lots of dancing in your future.