Unemployment Sucks!!

It's been over 2 months now and still nothing. I get up every morning and spend at least 2 hours on the job boards, searching for anything. After sending out another 5 resumes, at least, I take a break. HHMMM.... what to do today? Yard work? Houseclean? Laundry? Watch TV? Get depressed? Talk to friends, hhmmm, they're working so that's probably not a good idea. I know - I'll worry myself into a stupor!!! When will I lose the house? When will they repo my truck? Health insurance or the house?? Decisions, decisions.

I know there is a reason for this - all things work together for those who love Christ - but right now it's looking pretty darn bleak. What is to become of me? There is nothing quite as humbling as taking money from my daughter to pick up some medicine or falling apart at my other daughters because I don't have the cash to go to the doctor and I have a chest cold that aggrevates the asthma. Eat or medicine?!?!?!!?!?

I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS!!!!!!!

I'm Back

It's been a long time since I last blogged. Since the last time I did I was laid off from my job. This is the most scary situation I have been in since I came to Tucson. I've been diligently searching for jobs for the past two months to no avail. I am so afraid I'll loose everything again, like I did in the 80's when I was laid off from BMY.

More Than 3 Months!

What a road to travel!!! Trying to remember to chew, chew, chew food is hard if I'm not paying attention! Over the holidays when the dishes were passed, I put on the same amount as I used too then had to stop. What am I doing!!! Old habits die hard.
I'm down 56 pounds and am feeling like a butterfly coming out of my cacoon (SP?)!! I sit different, walk different, see myself differently and can hardly believe my eyes. I'm halfway to my goal so look out, let's see where this takes me.
On a different note, I start classes to persue a doctorate on Feb. 3. I can't believe I'm doing this!!!

More Memories

Our Christmas season actually started at Thanksgiving. We'd all have a wonderful dinner cooked by my Mother and we'd be stuffed for the rest of the day. That evening my Dad would leave for his annual deer hunting adventure and he'd ususally be gone until the following weekend. Well, that's when the fun started.

The day after Thanksgiving we would bake Christmas cookies - all day!! Chocolate chip, peanut blossoms, Russian teacakes, pinwheels, candy cane cooking and butter cookies. They were so delicious but my favorite were the chocolate chip.

The next day, and every evening that following week, we would get together with my Aunt Pat (her husband, Uncle Sonny, was deer hunting also) and my cousins, Danny, Terry and Kim. We would go shopping and out to eat every evening - it was so much fun!!! That week holds some of my fondest childhood memories.

From then until Christmas, sneaking cookies was my favorite pastime - no wonder I have a weight problem lol! Mom would keep them in beautiful tins on the steps to the attic because it was a little cool there. MMMM.....if only I could eat one now!

Christmas Memories

I love the Christmas season!! The smells, the decorations and the anticipation. This time of year takes me back to my childhood and all the sweet memories.

I remember Christmas Eve that would start at my Grandparent's house - my mothers family. Grandma would spend days cooking and baking for her annual Christmas party. Friends and family would gather and celebrate with food and lots of laughter! There was also a lot of drinking and cigarette smoke but back then it was normal. After spending several hours there, my parents would take my sister, Neicy, and I home. We knew that Aunt Joanie and Uncle Norm were right behind us with some gifts!! Neicy and I would sit on the couch and look out the big picture window and wait for them to come. Of course, the Christmas tree lights were lit, the cookies were out and Neicy and I were beyond excited. Christmas was finally here!!!

Our Aunt and Uncle would come in with gifts in hand and then we'd visit for awhile. I always liked Aunt Joanie and secretly wished she would be my mother. She passed away about 4 years ago from lung cancer and Uncle Norm is remarried and living in Florida.

Neicy and I would be put to bed shortly after they left and we would lay in bed and talk about how excited we were. Neicy even said one year she heard the reindeer on the roof!!

Christmas morning we would be up before dawn. We'd jump in bed with Mom and Dad to wake them up, they'd usually pretend to be asleep for awhile but it wasn't long till they got up. Dad would have to get the movie camera. Back in the day, it was a Kodak and the lights stuck out like a rack of moose horns!! Plus, the lights would be VERY bright. When we had to look at the camera we'd have to squint. We'd proceed to open all our gifts and start playing. Mom would make us eat breakfast then she would put the turkey in the oven. My grandparents and Aunt Cindy would always come to our house for the holiday dinner - loaded to the brim with gifts!!!

The memories are bittersweet - all of those people except Aunt Cindy have since passed away. I miss them so much sometimes I just don't think I can put one foot in front of the other. But then, I see my own precious daughters and grandchildren and I'm brought back to the present to celebrate with them!

The Journey

This weight loss journey has been pretty tough. Just discovering what I can eat and what makes me sick has been a chore. I'm supposed to be eating more protein, meat, but when I do it's painful. It sits in my stomach until I throw up, especially chicken. So my new strategy is to eat mushy food until I see the doc again on Dec. 23. I'm concerned that my stoma is too small so they may have to do an Endoscopy to stretch it a bit.

Other challenges are it takes so long to eat my food that it is usually cold. I can't try new things when I'm out for fear of getting sick. It's a full time job just to get the protein and water in every day, which I usually miserably fail at. Thanksgiving was a real struggle - I just wanted to eat a meal! I'm glad I'm losing weight; however, it's a big price to pay!

2 Month Surgiversary

I can't believe it's been 2 months already! I'm down 44 pounds and my clothes are starting to hang on me. I'm still not able to eat meat because is makes me sick so I eat VERY light - about 600 calories per day and that's trying hard. I can eat shrimp, tomato soup (yum) and crackers. I made a pot of beef vegetable soup that goes down pretty darn good and tastes terrific!

Thanksgiving sure wasn't the same but I did make a sugar free pumpkin fluff that went down real well. I'll be making that again! I had about 4 bites of dinner and I was full.

40 Pounds

So I'm down 40 pounds now - what a great feeling! I move much better and feel better everyday. However, some depression has been creeping in. I'm told this is normal due to all the hormones that have been housed in my extra fat that are now released so I'm not too concerned. I would like this to pass though. Even 40 pounds lighter I don't feel much different, I'm still me.

We laid off 2 employees on Friday - it sucked. One was a really great guy the other was an accident waiting to happen but I don't like to see anyone loose their job, especially not in these times. Everything is so bad everywhere it's hard to keep a positive attitude but I'm so happy and thankful that I have the greatest family and we are all healthy. We have food, shelter and clothing. These are just some of the things I'm thankful for this year!

6 Week Mark

Today I had my 6 week check up with my surgeon and everything is going fine. I told him about my problem with eating meat or fish and he said it's normal but after 6 weeks I should be starting to eat with a little less discomfort. I'm down 34 pounds now and should be down another 30 by Christmas - WOW what a gift to myself!

The Time of Change

Woohoo - Obama won!!! It's an exciting time to be a part of this wonderful country!

NM6 went to the doctor yesterday because his stomach has been bothering him for so long! We'll the doctor ordered blood work to check for Celiac. Carrie took him this morning, screaming, to have his blood drawn. When I told Erika, she simply said it's about time they check him for that - he's so bloated all the time. So, now we just wait and see.

5 Weeks Out

Well I'm down 30 pounds now and am starting to feel it. It's good to be able to put my socks on again!!!
I only got sick 4 times, twice I had to vomit. Sometimes I just don't know what to eat.
The family is doing good - Nick is being tested for Celiac because he's had an upset stomach for almost a month now.
Abby now has a lip ring - it looks ok but why????? I told her if she kisses a boy and he has a ring they could get "ring lock" and have to go to the hospital to be separated - she just laughed.
Carrie is down 40 pounds.
Erika is down also but I don't know how much. She's going for Lasik surgery in Phoenix on November 15th.
I have my support group this evening - I need to pick up some protein drinks.

Hump Day

Almost one month out from surgery and down a total of 27 pounds - I'm very pleased. I still battle head hunger daily but I know if I eat to much, more than 1/2 cup, I'll get sick. Throwing up is not an option....

Carrie's car broke down today and she needs an alternator. I sure wish I could help but I just don't have any money to help. I have to put the oxygen mask on myself!!!

We all have out health and each other; that's what matters.

Things aren't looking to good at work. Copper is going down, the mines have halted capital improvements and Morenci has halted all motor repair until futher notice. The control shop lost 2 major jobs and new sales lost a million dollar motor. It's gettin' scary Scoobie!

Moving Right Along

Well, I'm down 19.5 pounds now but I still don't feel it. I can't wait till I can feel the weight coming off! I'm eating 2 protein shakes and one meal (1/2 cup pureed) and will do that for 3 more weeks. I can't believe it's already been 3 weeks!! I've been feeling a little blue lately, the support group says that's completely normal. So I'll keep plugging away!

Something happened recently to AB14 - my dear granddaughter. She was coming home from school and she got into an altercation with another girl. This girl is the one that got expelled from all TUSD schools because she threatened AB14 a couple of years ago at Utterback. Well, the girl, Justine, hit AB14 in the face twice!!! AB14 walked away and didn't fight back and when she got home she was crying and her mom called the police. They took pictures of her face and CG35 filed a criminal complaint. When they went to pick Justine up, her mom lied and told them she wasn't home. I don't know if they ever picked her up or not. CB35 knows there is a clause in their lease about that kind of behavior so she spoke with the office and they may get kicked out of the complex (yes, they live in the same complex). AB14 is ok now but she spent the night at my house and I just gave her lots of lovins. I can't believe that someone actually hit her in the face! It's so scary out there and young people have so much to deal with. She's always in my prayers.

MMMMM......Crackers!

Today I discovered I can eat crackers, plain saltine crackers never tasted so good! I'm doing pretty good, lost 16 lbs but I can't feel it yet. I'm excited about what's in store for the new smaller version of me - I hope more confidence!!!

Work is going ok - since copper prices have dropped so much some of our business is slowing but with all the new efforts in nuclear power we should be able to sustain ourselves.

Elections are a comin' - I'm still undecided. Obama/Bin(laden)? Kind of creepy but I like him for some reason. I also like McCain on healthcare and Sarah because she seems real. Kind of flaky, aren't I??

2 Weeks Out

It's been 2 weeks since surgery and I'm feeling much better. I'm slowly regaining my strength. So far, I'm down 15 pounds - not to shabby! Last evening I made an egg and some deli chicken. I thought I chewed them enough but it hurt going down. Well, it continued to hurt for about an hour, I mean really hurt!!! Finally, I threw up. That was awful but I felt so much better. That was the first time I got sick and it's a quick reminder that I must chew, chew, chew!

I had my 2 week follow up with my most handsome surgeon and everything is healing very nicely. He gave me my goal chart and it looks something like this: Six weeks out I should weigh 210-215, 12 weeks out 190, 26 weeks out 160 and my goal is 135 which I should reach in one year. I need to walk at least 1 hour per day which I'm finding hard to do, my strength still isn't there yet. But I'll keep plugging away!

We're having an Italian pot luck on October 31st - I told them I'd bring pureed spagetti! LOL

I Will Survive!!

It's been a week now since surgery and I'm feeling better and stronger every day. Yesterday I even drove to the store. Today though, I feel I've turned a corner because I feel like my old self again. There's no pain and I have stopped drinking broth and jello, which I'll never let pass these lips again, yuck! So I'm drinking my water, 2 protein shakes and had 2T. of cottage cheese for lunch and dinner. It went down well and stayed put but the best thing was it tasted like a bite of heaven! The best thing is that in one week I've lost 10 pounds!! I can hardly believe it. I just might start dancing any day now.

Guy, if you read this, I hope to see you real soon. Not at Wendy's but maybe we could do a lunch in your office, or my office or at the park?????

What Have I Done?

I surely wouldn't recommend this to anyone but the very morbidly obese or the super obese. This is painful and uncomfortable and I can't help but wonder why I did this! I know I'll feel differently in a couple of weeks but today is a different story.

CG and EG have been so very wonderful through this. They have helped me so much I don't think I could have done it without them. NM whispers into Aunt E's ear "I feel so bad that Grandma doesn't feel good'. I told Carrie to call before she stops in the next time and I'll be out of bed - he's having a hard time with Grandma being sick!

I really thought I'd be going back to work tomorrow but that's doubtful at this point.

I really wish the Jello would make a mashed potato flavor!! I never liked artificial fruit flavors.

It's Finally Finished!!

Wednesday, 10/1, I finally had my surgery. All went well, the nurses in preop were the best but the nurses after that were just ok. As soon as I expressed any pain they medicated me. I didn't get sick until the following day when I started to pass the gas. Dr. Chaisson says that's normal but I was so sick I was kicking myself in the you know what for even having the surgery. Now it's Saturday morning and I'm at home and feeling much better!! Would I do it again?? Hell no! I may be saying something else a few months down the road but this is very uncomfortable.

Tomorrow

Well, it looks like this is really going to happen. Today I'm fasting and cleaning out my system so I'll be glad when this is over.

I'm concerned about Erika - she's so worried!!

2 More Days!

Only 2 more days until surgery - I can't believe it's finally here. I started taking Celebrex yesterday and it has helped my back tremendously - I can walk again! Today is the last day that I can eat so I better make it a good one LOL. I'm craving hot dogs so I'm eating them. I feel so guilty eating something so bad but it sure tastes good!