It's been over 2 months now and still nothing. I get up every morning and spend at least 2 hours on the job boards, searching for anything. After sending out another 5 resumes, at least, I take a break. HHMMM.... what to do today? Yard work? Houseclean? Laundry? Watch TV? Get depressed? Talk to friends, hhmmm, they're working so that's probably not a good idea. I know - I'll worry myself into a stupor!!! When will I lose the house? When will they repo my truck? Health insurance or the house?? Decisions, decisions.
I know there is a reason for this - all things work together for those who love Christ - but right now it's looking pretty darn bleak. What is to become of me? There is nothing quite as humbling as taking money from my daughter to pick up some medicine or falling apart at my other daughters because I don't have the cash to go to the doctor and I have a chest cold that aggrevates the asthma. Eat or medicine?!?!?!!?!?
I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS!!!!!!!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
I'm Back
It's been a long time since I last blogged. Since the last time I did I was laid off from my job. This is the most scary situation I have been in since I came to Tucson. I've been diligently searching for jobs for the past two months to no avail. I am so afraid I'll loose everything again, like I did in the 80's when I was laid off from BMY.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
More Than 3 Months!
What a road to travel!!! Trying to remember to chew, chew, chew food is hard if I'm not paying attention! Over the holidays when the dishes were passed, I put on the same amount as I used too then had to stop. What am I doing!!! Old habits die hard.
I'm down 56 pounds and am feeling like a butterfly coming out of my cacoon (SP?)!! I sit different, walk different, see myself differently and can hardly believe my eyes. I'm halfway to my goal so look out, let's see where this takes me.
On a different note, I start classes to persue a doctorate on Feb. 3. I can't believe I'm doing this!!!
I'm down 56 pounds and am feeling like a butterfly coming out of my cacoon (SP?)!! I sit different, walk different, see myself differently and can hardly believe my eyes. I'm halfway to my goal so look out, let's see where this takes me.
On a different note, I start classes to persue a doctorate on Feb. 3. I can't believe I'm doing this!!!
Friday, December 5, 2008
More Memories
Our Christmas season actually started at Thanksgiving. We'd all have a wonderful dinner cooked by my Mother and we'd be stuffed for the rest of the day. That evening my Dad would leave for his annual deer hunting adventure and he'd ususally be gone until the following weekend. Well, that's when the fun started.
The day after Thanksgiving we would bake Christmas cookies - all day!! Chocolate chip, peanut blossoms, Russian teacakes, pinwheels, candy cane cooking and butter cookies. They were so delicious but my favorite were the chocolate chip.
The next day, and every evening that following week, we would get together with my Aunt Pat (her husband, Uncle Sonny, was deer hunting also) and my cousins, Danny, Terry and Kim. We would go shopping and out to eat every evening - it was so much fun!!! That week holds some of my fondest childhood memories.
From then until Christmas, sneaking cookies was my favorite pastime - no wonder I have a weight problem lol! Mom would keep them in beautiful tins on the steps to the attic because it was a little cool there. MMMM.....if only I could eat one now!
The day after Thanksgiving we would bake Christmas cookies - all day!! Chocolate chip, peanut blossoms, Russian teacakes, pinwheels, candy cane cooking and butter cookies. They were so delicious but my favorite were the chocolate chip.
The next day, and every evening that following week, we would get together with my Aunt Pat (her husband, Uncle Sonny, was deer hunting also) and my cousins, Danny, Terry and Kim. We would go shopping and out to eat every evening - it was so much fun!!! That week holds some of my fondest childhood memories.
From then until Christmas, sneaking cookies was my favorite pastime - no wonder I have a weight problem lol! Mom would keep them in beautiful tins on the steps to the attic because it was a little cool there. MMMM.....if only I could eat one now!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Christmas Memories
I love the Christmas season!! The smells, the decorations and the anticipation. This time of year takes me back to my childhood and all the sweet memories.
I remember Christmas Eve that would start at my Grandparent's house - my mothers family. Grandma would spend days cooking and baking for her annual Christmas party. Friends and family would gather and celebrate with food and lots of laughter! There was also a lot of drinking and cigarette smoke but back then it was normal. After spending several hours there, my parents would take my sister, Neicy, and I home. We knew that Aunt Joanie and Uncle Norm were right behind us with some gifts!! Neicy and I would sit on the couch and look out the big picture window and wait for them to come. Of course, the Christmas tree lights were lit, the cookies were out and Neicy and I were beyond excited. Christmas was finally here!!!
Our Aunt and Uncle would come in with gifts in hand and then we'd visit for awhile. I always liked Aunt Joanie and secretly wished she would be my mother. She passed away about 4 years ago from lung cancer and Uncle Norm is remarried and living in Florida.
Neicy and I would be put to bed shortly after they left and we would lay in bed and talk about how excited we were. Neicy even said one year she heard the reindeer on the roof!!
Christmas morning we would be up before dawn. We'd jump in bed with Mom and Dad to wake them up, they'd usually pretend to be asleep for awhile but it wasn't long till they got up. Dad would have to get the movie camera. Back in the day, it was a Kodak and the lights stuck out like a rack of moose horns!! Plus, the lights would be VERY bright. When we had to look at the camera we'd have to squint. We'd proceed to open all our gifts and start playing. Mom would make us eat breakfast then she would put the turkey in the oven. My grandparents and Aunt Cindy would always come to our house for the holiday dinner - loaded to the brim with gifts!!!
The memories are bittersweet - all of those people except Aunt Cindy have since passed away. I miss them so much sometimes I just don't think I can put one foot in front of the other. But then, I see my own precious daughters and grandchildren and I'm brought back to the present to celebrate with them!
I remember Christmas Eve that would start at my Grandparent's house - my mothers family. Grandma would spend days cooking and baking for her annual Christmas party. Friends and family would gather and celebrate with food and lots of laughter! There was also a lot of drinking and cigarette smoke but back then it was normal. After spending several hours there, my parents would take my sister, Neicy, and I home. We knew that Aunt Joanie and Uncle Norm were right behind us with some gifts!! Neicy and I would sit on the couch and look out the big picture window and wait for them to come. Of course, the Christmas tree lights were lit, the cookies were out and Neicy and I were beyond excited. Christmas was finally here!!!
Our Aunt and Uncle would come in with gifts in hand and then we'd visit for awhile. I always liked Aunt Joanie and secretly wished she would be my mother. She passed away about 4 years ago from lung cancer and Uncle Norm is remarried and living in Florida.
Neicy and I would be put to bed shortly after they left and we would lay in bed and talk about how excited we were. Neicy even said one year she heard the reindeer on the roof!!
Christmas morning we would be up before dawn. We'd jump in bed with Mom and Dad to wake them up, they'd usually pretend to be asleep for awhile but it wasn't long till they got up. Dad would have to get the movie camera. Back in the day, it was a Kodak and the lights stuck out like a rack of moose horns!! Plus, the lights would be VERY bright. When we had to look at the camera we'd have to squint. We'd proceed to open all our gifts and start playing. Mom would make us eat breakfast then she would put the turkey in the oven. My grandparents and Aunt Cindy would always come to our house for the holiday dinner - loaded to the brim with gifts!!!
The memories are bittersweet - all of those people except Aunt Cindy have since passed away. I miss them so much sometimes I just don't think I can put one foot in front of the other. But then, I see my own precious daughters and grandchildren and I'm brought back to the present to celebrate with them!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
The Journey
This weight loss journey has been pretty tough. Just discovering what I can eat and what makes me sick has been a chore. I'm supposed to be eating more protein, meat, but when I do it's painful. It sits in my stomach until I throw up, especially chicken. So my new strategy is to eat mushy food until I see the doc again on Dec. 23. I'm concerned that my stoma is too small so they may have to do an Endoscopy to stretch it a bit.
Other challenges are it takes so long to eat my food that it is usually cold. I can't try new things when I'm out for fear of getting sick. It's a full time job just to get the protein and water in every day, which I usually miserably fail at. Thanksgiving was a real struggle - I just wanted to eat a meal! I'm glad I'm losing weight; however, it's a big price to pay!
Other challenges are it takes so long to eat my food that it is usually cold. I can't try new things when I'm out for fear of getting sick. It's a full time job just to get the protein and water in every day, which I usually miserably fail at. Thanksgiving was a real struggle - I just wanted to eat a meal! I'm glad I'm losing weight; however, it's a big price to pay!
Monday, December 1, 2008
2 Month Surgiversary
I can't believe it's been 2 months already! I'm down 44 pounds and my clothes are starting to hang on me. I'm still not able to eat meat because is makes me sick so I eat VERY light - about 600 calories per day and that's trying hard. I can eat shrimp, tomato soup (yum) and crackers. I made a pot of beef vegetable soup that goes down pretty darn good and tastes terrific!
Thanksgiving sure wasn't the same but I did make a sugar free pumpkin fluff that went down real well. I'll be making that again! I had about 4 bites of dinner and I was full.
Thanksgiving sure wasn't the same but I did make a sugar free pumpkin fluff that went down real well. I'll be making that again! I had about 4 bites of dinner and I was full.
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